Today another woman died and not on
a foreign field, and not with a
rifle strapped to her back, and not
with a large defense of
tanks rumbling and rolling behind
her.
She died without CNN covering her
war; she died without talk of
intelligent bombs and strategic
targets.
The target was simply her face, her
back her pregnant belly. The
target was her precious flesh that
was once composed like music in her
mother’s body and sung in the anthem
of birth.
The target was this life that had
lived its own wildness, had been
loved and not loved, had danced and
not danced.
A
life like yours or mine that had
stumbled up from a beginning and had
learned to walk and had learned to
read and had learned to sing.
Another woman died today. Not far
from where you live; just there,
next door where the tall light falls
across the pavement. Just there, a
few steps away where you’ve often
heard shouting.
Another
woman died today. She was the same
girl her mother used to kiss; the
same child you dreamed beside in
school; the same baby her parents
walked in the night with and
listened and listened and listened
for her cries even while they
slept.
And someone
had confused his rage with this
woman’s only life.
---Carol
Geneya Kaplan |
This poem is not only a deep
expression of the limited attention given to
Domestic violence but the commonality, and closeness
of the problem and the lack of understanding of its
seriousness, especially by perpetrators of the
violence.
As Carol Geneya Kaplan stated in
the last line of her poem, “someone has confused his
rage with this woman’s only life.”
Where did such rage come from?
How could anyone inflict serious wounds on someone
they claim to love, live with and at the same time
feel ok with such behavior. There is no single
answer, however, most researchers believe that such
behavior is as a result of deeply entrenched
cultural beliefs and socialization.
Bill Ibelle, Standard New York
Times writer, in his article “Why Batterers do what
they do,” wrote about an incidence where a 35 year
old male jammed a pork chop into his wife’s face as
he sneered “you disgust me.” Two days later his wife
called the police. The cut on her face from the pork
chop was still visible. It was a minor incident in
comparison to past abuse. The young man was given a
six months suspended sentence with conditions that
he attend Batterer’s Treatment Program. He entered
the system convinced that he was the victim of an
overzealous criminal justice system and an
overwrought wife.
In spite of the years of
abuse, that young man did not consider himself a
Batterer. In fact, he thought of Batterers as the
scum of the earth.
This case is typical of most
batterers. This view is mainly as a result of
socialization and cultural beliefs. Most societies,
even in ours, still maintain some level of
patriarchy, where male control and dominance is
legitimized.
Deep within most men is the
belief that they should be in control of their
women. In fact in some societies some women also
believe that they should be controlled by their men.
Such beliefs were not created by the individual but
by the society in which they live. So, the
pro-feminist would say domestic abuse is the product
of a sexist society, that accepts male dominance
over women. Men have been taught to view women as
sex objects, that a women is a man’s property and
that it is both the right and duty of the man to
dominate.
Mr. David Adams of Emerge in
Boston stated “What is at the core of the problem is
that men don’t respect women. What needs to change
is the sense of entitlement- that it is their right
to control the lives of their partner. Battering is
not a sickness, it is learned behavior.” In essence
pro-feminist believes that batterers are control
freaks who consciously manipulate their partners to
ensure that they get their way. It seems clear to
me that before one takes on the role batterer, he
has to view the victim a certain way. Batterers did
not adapt their behavior from no-where. In most
cases, they came form the home or community, where
problems were solved by using violence or force. It
is a way of asserting control.
It is clearly a distorted view
and lack of problems solving skills that lead to
such behavior.
Batterers need to be oriented
to new ways of looking at themselves, their
partners, their roles and the way they problem
solve. This can take place both in individual and
group therapy, designed specifically for the
batterer.
In spite of the fact that I
focused mainly on the male as the dominant
perpetrator, it should be noted that the number of
men reporting as victims is increasing.
There are other perspectives
related to the cause of battering which the focus
and length of this article would not facilitate.
Regardless of the origin of
the problem I believe that in dealing with the
problem the focus should 1. Safety of the victim.
2. Re-education of the victim regarding detection of
early warning signs, reporting procedure and help
resources. 3. Re-education of men and women on their
roles. 4. Education of children related to valuing
and respecting each other. 5. Raising the awareness
of communities related to the seriousness of the
problem.
References:
Domestic Violence Hand Book:
http://www.domesticviolence.org
http://www.s-t.com/projects/DomVio/debatetreatment
Abused Men:
The Hidden side of
Domestic Violence by Phillip W. Cook
Attitudes Towards Domestic
Violence: Race and Gender Issues, in sex roles: A
journal of research by Lisa M. Locke and Charles L.
Richman
718
940
8598
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The
Making of a Batterer (Socialization and Reinforcement)
By: Benedict Brizan