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 Do's
and Don'ts of Outmaneuvering a Stalker ..By: Lou Bishop
Though the once popular 1983
single by the Police -- “Every Breath You Take” -- may sound
romantic, upon closer examination one soon discovers that it
describes the motivations of a stalker. Decidedly
unromantic! According to The National Center For the Victims
of Crime, ”1 out of every 12 women will be
stalked during her lifetime.”
The National Violence Against Women Survey
(US Department of Justice, 1998) states that “one in
12 women and one in 45 men will be stalked in their
lifetime. ” Furthermore, according to NVAWS, an
“estimated 87% of stalkers are male, who are much more
likely to become violent, though female stalkers have
also murdered victims. Most stalkers know their
victims….”
What is Stalking?
“Most statutes define
stalking as wilful, malicious and repeated harassment.
An imminent, credible threat of violence must be made
against the victim for the activity to be considered
stalking in many jurisdictions. Many American
states deem the intent to instill fear to be unlawful,
with most defining criminal stalking as an activity that
would instill fear in a reasonable person.
(StalkVictims.info)”
Stalking can involve an
intention to acquire private information/objects.
It is noteworthy that the ease with which stalkers can
gather information has been aided by the Internet, thus
the new psychiatric legal term: “cyberstalking.”
Who are these Stalkers
Anyway?
Stalking may run the
gamut of psychiatric and personality disorders and most
researchers, including, Dr. Kienlen, a contributor to
the book. Stalkers articulate that,
“There is no single profile of stalkers who exhibit a
broad range of behaviors, motivations and psychological
traits.”
Stalkers may include:
former boyfriends/girlfriends and husbands/wives;
disgruntled employees and business associates; casual
acquaintances; vengeful neighbors; even total strangers.
Clearly anyone can become a victim.
What Can You Do?
Below are a few
guidelines, most of which are gleaned from an (August
25, 1998) New York Times article, by Jane E. Brody.
BE FIRM! Dr. Doris M. Hall, (an expert on criminology at California State
University at Bakersfield) who questioned 145 victims of
stalkers (83 percent of them women) recommends
firmness: "Once and only once, tell the person you want
nothing to do with him. Don't try to be nice; it
can only work against you. If someone's behavior
seems out of line, if it is making you uncomfortable,
something's up," she said. "You have a better
chance of putting a stop to it if you don't give it a
chance to accelerate."
“ PROTECT YOURSELF!
Under the auspices of
the University of California at San Diego, the Privacy
Rights Clearinghouse has developed a list of tips for
self-protection against stalkers. While specific legal
advice is likely to vary from state to state, the
clearinghouse's practical advice can apply anywhere.
Among the most important tips are these:
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Take Action. Tell
people what’s happening (even if you did go out with
the stalker at one time). Don’t let
embarrassment deter you from being open about a
potentially violent outcome. |
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Keep your address
private.
It’s a good idea to use a postal box instead of a
residential address on everything, including your
driver's license and government documents. Do not give out your telephone number.
Get an
unpublished and unlisted phone number. Never
print your number on checks. |
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Guard your E-mail.
Be sure that your E-mail address is something that
is hard to guess if you are at risk of being
cyber-stalked. |
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Keep a diary.
AKA as a Stalking Incident and Behavior Log
. It is important to record every stalking
incident and the names, dates and times of every
contact with the authorities. It may be
necessary to save the tapes of phone messages.
Please note that this information could be
introduced as evidence shared with the stalker at
any time in the future. Therefore, it is
important not to include anything that you don’t
want the offender to see. |
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Upgrade the Security
in your Home.
Install a security system. Have a exterior alarm
and /or motion-sensitive light installed. Be
sure to always lock your doors with dead-bolt locks
and use window locks on basement and ground-floor
windows.
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BE
AWARE
of
the locations of the police and fire departments and
busy shopping centers. in the event that you
are being followed, locate one of these immediately.
When you arrive, stay in the car and blow the horn
to attract attention. Vary your schedule and
your route when traveling to and from work.
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If Necessary File a
Restraining order.
If the stalker is a
stranger, you can file a Harassment Restraining
Order (HRO), which is used when you don't have a
significant or legal relationship with the other
person. This will be reviewed by a judge and
if granted will mean that every incident of stalking
is considered a violation of the order and is a
crime. |
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Stay in
company of other people. Develop
a posse! If anything goes down, you’ll
have witnesses! Statistics show that you
are safer in a group. |
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Show
NO Fear!
This could save your life as stalkers often enjoy
causing fear. |
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63% of youth suicides are from fatherless
homes. (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the
Census) |
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