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 The Making of a Batterer (Socialization and Reinforcement) By:
Benedict Brizan
Today another woman died and not on
a foreign field, and not with a
rifle strapped to her back, and not
with a large defense of
tanks rumbling and rolling behind
her.
She died without CNN covering her
war; she died without talk of
intelligent bombs and strategic
targets.
The target was simply her face, her
back her pregnant belly. The
target was her precious flesh that
was once composed like music in her
mother’s body and sung in the anthem
of birth.
The target was this life that had
lived its own wildness, had been
loved and not loved, had danced and
not danced.
A
life like yours or mine that had
stumbled up from a beginning and had
learned to walk and had learned to
read and had learned to sing.
Another woman died today. Not far
from where you live; just there,
next door where the tall light falls
across the pavement.
Just there, a
few steps away where you’ve often
heard shouting.
Another
woman died today. She was the same
girl her mother used to kiss; the
same child you dreamed beside in
school; the same baby her parents
walked in the night with and
listened and listened and listened
for her cries even while they
slept.
And someone
had confused his rage with this
woman’s only life.
---Carol
Geneya Kaplan |
Not only does this poem represent the a deep expression of the
limited attention given to Domestic violence but the commonality,
and closeness of the problem and the lack of understanding of its
seriousness, especially by perpetrators of the violence.
As Carol Geneya Kaplan stated in the last line of her poem, “someone
has confused his rage with this woman’s only life.”
Where did such rage come from? How could anyone inflict serious
wounds on someone they claim to love, live with and at the same time
feel ok with such behavior. There is no single answer, however, most
researchers believe that such behavior is as a result of deeply
entrenched cultural beliefs and socialization.
Bill Ibelle, Standard New York Times writer, in his article “Why
Batterers do what they do,” wrote about an incidence where a 35 year
old male jammed a pork chop into his wife’s face as he sneered “you
disgust me.”
Two days later his wife called the police. The cut on her face from
the pork chop was still visible. It was a minor incident in
comparison to past abuse. The young man was given a six months
suspended sentence with conditions that he attend Batterer’s
Treatment Program. He entered the system convinced that he was the
victim of an overzealous criminal justice system and an overwrought
wife.
In spite of the years of abuse, that young man did not consider
himself a Batterer. In fact, he thought of Batterers as the scum of
the earth.
This case is typical of most batterers. This view is mainly as a
result of socialization and cultural beliefs. Most societies, even
in ours, still maintain some level of patriarchy, where male control
and dominance is legitimized.
Deep within most men is the belief that they should be in control
of their women. In fact in some societies some women also believe
that they should be controlled by their men. Such beliefs were not
created by the individual but by the society in which they live. So,
the pro-feminist would say domestic abuse is the product of a sexist
society, that accepts male dominance over women. Men have been
taught to view women as sex objects, that a women is a man’s
property and that it is both the right and duty of the man to
dominate.
Mr. David Adams of Emerge in Boston stated “What is at the core of
the problem is that men don’t respect women. What needs to change is
the sense of entitlement- that it is their right to control the
lives of their partner. Battering is not a sickness, it is learned
behavior.”
In essence pro-feminist believes that batterers are control freaks
who consciously manipulate their partners to ensure that they get
their way. It seems clear to me that before one takes on the role
batterer, he has to view the victim a certain way. Batterers did not
adapt their behavior from no-where. In most cases, they came form
the home or community, where problems were solved by using violence
or force. It is a way of asserting control.
It is clearly a distorted view and lack of problems solving skills
that lead to such behavior.
Batterers need to be oriented to new ways of looking at themselves,
their partners, their roles and the way they problem solve. This can
take place both in individual and group therapy, designed
specifically for the batterer.
In spite of the fact that I focused mainly on the male as the
dominant perpetrator, it should be noted that the number of men
reporting as victims is increasing.
There are other perspectives related to the cause of battering which
the focus and length of this article would not facilitate.
Regardless of the origin of the problem I believe that in dealing
with the problem the focus should be:
1) Safety of the victim.
2) Re-education of the victim
regarding detection of early warning signs, reporting procedure and
help resources.
3) Re-education of men and women on
their roles.
4) Education of children related to
valuing and respecting each other. 5. Raising the awareness of
communities related to the seriousness of the problem.
References:
Domestic Violence Hand Book:
http://www.domesticviolence.org
http://www.s-t.com/projects/DomVio/debatetreatment
Abused Men: The Hidden side of
Domestic Violence by Phillip W. Cook
Attitudes Towards Domestic Violence: Race and Gender Issues, in sex
roles: A journal of research by Lisa M. Locke and Charles L. Richman
Abused and Battered: Social
and Legal Responses to Family Violence by Dean D. Knudsen and JoAnn
L. Miller
The Batterer: A Psychological
profile by Donald G Dutton, Susan K. Golant
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